9/28/11

So I think I can solve all problems by myself well never mind, never mind, never mind, never mind, never mi-i-i-i-i-ind


Dear future PCVs,

I regret that I didn’t get to spend enough time with you guys, it was especially rough that I was not able to watch all of your introductions to the staff. I honestly think I didn’t have enough time to express to you what trainee life is going to be like. I remember talking a lot about life as PCV and not enough as a PCT. Well, the purpose of this letter is to tell you all what I feel I was unable to tell you with my short time with you regarding the experiences you will have as a trainee.

I want you guys to hold something close to your hearts in your moments of what seems like weakness. I’m referring to the moments when you wet the photographs of your family with the tears that slide off your nose. I’m talking about the days when you re-ask yourselves the questions you once seemed to be so sure about. These days, they are an uphill struggle, they are also days that you will experience a lot throughout your first three months. They are not easy.

You will only get through these days by being there for each other. The beauty about the strangers to your sides is that you share one infinitely binding trait. You all have the traveler’s soul. You have all sacrificed not eating your mother’s food to try someone else’s mother’s food. Not because you don’t like your mom’s food but because you are compelled to see the way other mothers around the world express their love to their children. You have the courage to experience life’s several emotions in a different way. Always remember that you are connected by the inspirations and aspirations you share.

Sometimes training can be exhausting not to mention confusing. You will discover that you won’t be able to count the number of challenges you’ve experienced in the first week with your hands. You will inevitably run into very difficult obstacles. French will be the majority of the bricks that construct these seemingly unbreakable walls. Just remember it is not only conversations that bind humans together. You can connect by showing your host brother that you too can juggle a soccer ball or know how to pretend that you can remove your thumb. Instead of using those fingers to count your challenges, use them to throw a Frisbee to your new friends (Cameroonians and Trainees).

Only together will you guys thrive. Use your combination of diverse expertise to answer questions anthropologists have been asking for decades. Answer these difficult questions together. Get your mind’s hands dirty by asking why Africa has a very different struggle than the United States, the Cameroonian rainforest is the perfect environment to have these reflections. I witnessed your inspiration simply by the way you guys gazed out of your windows on our bus ride to Hotel Jeuvance. Expose that inspiration to one another because that will be the engine to your inevitable successes.

After serving as a PCV in Cameroon for almost a year I cannot tell you that you will not fail. At least one of your projects will fail. You will at least lose the trust of one person. You will lose yourself at least one time. You will forget why you are here at least one time. These are facts that will lead you to want to return to the arms of your loved ones. You will catch yourself contemplating the kind of hypothetical thoughts you would ask on your flight home. They will sound like, “well at least I tried,” or, “at least I got to eat a mango on top of a mango tree,” or, “at least I got to see what development work is really about.” Instead of ending the sentence that starts with, “at least I,” try asking yourself, “What am I at most capable of in this very situation?” Throw your intellectual and spiritual limits away in the same way that Cameroonians throw away plastic. Throw them on the ground and keep climbing, but remember to always do it together.

Life as a trainee is mostly an uphill battle. The prospective you must always keep is the view you’ll get from the top. But let me remind you again, it is much easier overcoming the inevitable obstacles together. Your new friends will become family. Good luck and I hope to see all of you when you swear in.

Sept. 28, 2011
Carlos J. Fernandez-Torres

9/15/11

All the world’s ills sitting on chrome 24inch wheels, like that.

If you asked me one year ago why I joined the Peace Corps, I would have or probably did give a very superficial answer.

“I couldn’t find a job.”

“None of the internships that liked me paid anything worthwhile.”

“I am not ready to go back to school.”

“I gotta get back to seeing the world.”

These are the normal answers I gave. That’s right, none of my answers to this question mention anything about actually volunteering. What is a volunteer? Why is it important to volunteer? What does a good volunteer (international or domestic) actually accomplish?

I have always known I wanted to live the majority of my life as an expatriate. The friends that I have connected with the most throughout my life have been the people with the traveler’s spirit. They are people with actual ambitions to try something new, to live somewhere different. Expatriates (well a good chunk of them anyways) tend to have this spirit. Sure I have been comfortable in Mexico and the US but I never truly felt like I belonged. I belong with people like me but from different places. Peace Corps was just a way to jump start my return to traveling, not to actually volunteer. It was completely a selfish reason.

However… my reasons for staying in Cameroon are completely different. My first year back living overseas has reminded me of not the traveler’s spirit, but that of the volunteer’s. Thank God I have reconnected with this very fundamental necessity.

Let me list you some reasons of why volunteers are needed:

-When the earthquake struck Port au Prince, citizens actually believed it was the apocalypse. They waited for Jesus to show up.

-There is an ongoing war that is compared to WWII going on in the Democratic Republic of Congo. They say the war has ended but then why and how is it that people don’t even know what the concept of free will is there.

-When Hurricane Katrina wreaked havoc on New Orleans people compared the city to a third world country.

-What is said to be the most prosperous region in the world (Scandinavia) has recently had an unfathomable attack on innocent people by one of its own citizens.

In every community that the sun light reaches there are challenges waiting to be overcome. One does not have to be rich in order to contribute. If he or she has the will to help, the sense of unity to contribute, the selfless desire to proudly overcome that challenge, then they are qualified to be a volunteer. I am not referring to Peace Corps Volunteers merely volunteers. The community does not have to be in a developing country in order to have volunteers.

Why am I here? Why have I stayed this long? because there are challenges here in Meidougou. I am a member of this community now, not just that, but I am a very unique member of this community. I am an outsider who has sacrificed time away from his own family to help out in any way I can.

Meidougou has so many challenges; I don’t even know where to start. There are not enough teachers, not enough nurses, the gov’t cannot pay the salaries of their social workers, people do not trust each other, they do not see the benefits of volunteering, poverty is rampant, any type of health issue you can think of hides in concessions all over the town. Problems, problems, problems and the lack of will and solidarity to turn them into solutions.

Why am I here? To do my part. I signed up for this and damn it I am going to do everything I am capable of to tackling the infinite number of problems that plague my new home. I must never forget to do this wherever I live in the future. Volunteering is necessary because it is the action of compassion, unity, courage and hard work. Volunteering is a humbling action that every capable citizen of the world should consider. Living in an impoverished nation like Cameroon has constantly exposed me to the consequences of poverty and fear, consequences that exist all over the world.

Now turn off your computers and sail your selfless soul.

Carlos Jesus Fernandez-Torres
September 15, 2011

9/2/11

The glass is full, the glass is broke

A few days ago I saw a volunteer say goodbye to a post-mate. Sometimes a volunteer will be placed in the same town, allowing them to work together for the limited time they have. Post-mates more than not end up getting very close. Together they get to be the intertwined string that forms a rope.

When the volunteer said goodbye to his post-mate he had to hide his overflowing watery eyes. The woman wrapped around his arms let hers flow. They became more than friends during the short time they were allowed together. They are now lifetime friends. Whenever they reunite in the future they will experience overwhelming joy. Their conversations will reignite their souls from the connected memories of their shared humbling experiences.

How do I know this will happen? How am I so confident?

Although these two specific people I’m referring to does not include me, I did experience the same heartbreak two months ago. Recently I too had to experience saying goodbye to one of my post-mates. I had the rare pleasure of attending her gonging-out ceremony. This is the ceremony when volunteers officially become RPCVs, a title that she will wear with pride for the rest of her life. During the ceremony the attendees get the opportunity to say a few words regarding their service. When I stood up to recite the speech I had prepared for her I was unable to speak. I was too afraid of tearing up. I had to cut my words in half, something my post-mate did not deserve, for she deserved every word I wanted to dedicate to her.

These are the kinds of bonds you form when you serve. Volunteers share everything from near death experiences to preparing meals together that it becomes nearly impossible to not love your peers. They have your back and you have theirs. You become colleagues as well. You bounce ideas off each other for community projects. The team you inevitably form exponentially improves your work.

There are days when volunteers need what we call, ‘mental health days.’ These are the days when you want to go “home.” These are the days when you break down from the nearly impassible obstacles. These are the days when you want to close yourself from the country you convince yourself everyday you belong in. These are the days when you need, your post-mate.

Together you will share beers and tears, reciprocate respect and trust, and organize time wasting activities. Your post-mate is the kid on the other side of the see-saw, keeping you up and helping you down. You guide each other through relationships, losses, longings, pain, accomplishments, everything.

It was not easy saying good-bye, but it was a ‘good’ bye because of the unforgettable experiences we now share. I want to dedicate this entry is for every volunteer that has ever had to experience this loss, but indescribable gain of friendship.

For you will continue to be post-mates in this ever connecting world.

Carlos J. Fernandez-Torres
September 2, 2011